Turning Inward

Written in 2016

I'm angry.

No...

I'm furious.

Once again, without even noticing,

I let other people decide how I should live.

Once again,

everyone else's needs came before my own.

Once again,

I pushed myself to the side.

I need silence.

I need to come back to myself.

To do what feels right for me,

when it feels right,

in the way that feels right.

Enough with the criticism.

Enough with the sarcasm.

Enough with the endless advice.

Please...

stop trying to fix me.

Stop trying to enlighten me.

That isn't what I need right now.

What I need is your silence.

Your quiet presence.

Inside me, it feels as though there's a wedding celebration that never stops.

So much noise.

So many voices.

Please don't tell me about your life.

Not right now.

I don't have room for it.

Just be with me.

Let me sit quietly in your presence,

with my own thoughts,

my own questions,

my own understanding.

I'm not pulling away.

I'm turning inward.

When I'm ready,

I'll come back.

And perhaps I'll share what I found.

I only hope you'll still be there when I do.