Fear Is Love in Disguise

Written in 2018

For years, I believed fear was my enemy.

I fought it.

I judged it.

I tried to get rid of it.

Then one day I saw it differently.

What if fear isn't trying to stop us?

What if it's trying to protect us?

Every fear carries the same quiet message:

"Be careful."

"Don't get hurt."

"Stay safe."

Those aren't messages of hate.

They're messages of love.

The problem is that fear knows only one way to love—

by protecting us from pain.

It doesn't always recognize that we've grown.

That we've learned.

That we're capable of facing what once overwhelmed us.

So it keeps doing the only job it knows.

It protects.

For years, I was incredibly hard on myself.

If there had been a university degree in self-criticism,

I probably would have graduated at the top of my class.

Looking back, I realize something that completely changed the way I see myself.

I wasn't criticizing myself because I didn't love myself.

I was criticizing myself because I did.

I wanted to become better.

Safer.

Stronger.

I simply didn't know another way.

Fear was speaking the language it knew best.

​

The question is no longer,

"Why am I afraid?"

The real question is,

"Does this fear still serve me today?"

​

Does it still protect me?

Or is it protecting a version of me that no longer exists?

Today, I no longer see fear as something I need to fight.

I see it as a protective part of myself.

I can thank it for everything it has done for me.

And then gently let it know—

I can take it from here.